I just got off a coaching call with a longtime client of mine, and I am once again filled to the brim with power, energy, good feelings, positive thoughts. Coaching has a way of making things right in my world.
This job is unlike others I've had before. Working in academia and Corporate America satisfied my needs to learn, to keep challenging myself, to make money, to be acknowledged, to help others. But two things that are different when I coach are that in this career, 1) I get to make a difference, and 2) I get back much more than I give.
I am so inspired by the risks my clients are willing to take in order to fulfill on their commitments. Again and again, they are willing to be vulnerable, willing to be honest, to be uncomfortable, to be wrong. They are some of the most courageous people I have ever known.
At the end of each coaching session I usually assign a client some "practices" to create new habits or to move toward their goals. The idea for these practices come to me as I coach the client and are always specific to that person. Nonetheless, I find that I often adopt a few of my clients' practices for myself, allowing me to learn something new. Even as I coach and teach, I get to learn. I'm addicted to learning, and I feel so fortunate to have the mentors in my life that I've found in my clients.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Great Quote
“If we don't change our direction we're likely to end up where we're headed."
This Chinese proverb gives me so much to think about. It reminds me that no matter what I think I'm doing, I am making choices every minute of every day. And those choices are creating my present and my future. And if I pay attention to those choices I'm making (and to the ones I'm avoiding making), I can have a lot of say in what my future looks like and where I end up.
Love it.
This Chinese proverb gives me so much to think about. It reminds me that no matter what I think I'm doing, I am making choices every minute of every day. And those choices are creating my present and my future. And if I pay attention to those choices I'm making (and to the ones I'm avoiding making), I can have a lot of say in what my future looks like and where I end up.
Love it.
Monday, February 11, 2008
The costs of coaching...or not
On a message board regarding mentoring, a businessman noticed what he considered to be a "paradox of coaching": that coaches and mentors seem to be most effective helping the already successful people "get better" or succeed even more, while those who are experiencing a crisis, a failure, or who truly need it the most probably can't afford high coaching fees. Is this truly a paradox?
I can't speak for all coaches out there, as there are many different coaching philosophies and flavors. But I can tell you what coaching is to me, who it helps and when it helps.
First of all, let's consider that "being successful" and "needing help" are both subjective phrases. Who needs "help", and what kind of help do they need? What does it mean to get better--is this to improve one's life and live one's dreams, or is it to recover from a health issue, a bad relationship, or a sudden, significant life change?
I believe that coaching is on the continuum of well-being and self-improvement. On one end is therapy, which is critical for resolving problems from the past in order to experience the present. On the other is coaching, which doesn't work when a pathology is present (e.g.: depression, alcoholism, abuse). Coaching works "from the future" so to speak, creating the life you want in the future right now in the present. It is clearly self-improvement. It is certainly striving for something better. It requires a willingness to study oneself critically and a readiness to change. But coaching is not necessarily "help" in the context of managing/surviving a crisis.
No doubt coaching can be quite expensive. But so can keeping the status quo. And there's probably nothing as expensive as merely surviving.
Sometimes it's helpful to consider the following questions:
- How much is the stress of your job costing you?
- How much income are you wasting by not achieving the promotion you desire / finding the right career right now?
- How much will you pay in healthcare and insurance for not being able to stay on track with healthy eating and fitness goals?
- How much money will you waste when your start-up business goes belly up?
These are just a few examples of questions that directly impact the bottom line. This is to say nothing of the other "costs" (emotional, physical, family, friends, etc.) associated with these issues.
There are many governmental programs, including therapy, job/career counseling, debt counseling, etc. available to those who make a few bad choices and wind up in serious financial crisis. Coaching does not replace these.
If you are satisfied with your life the way it is, coaching won't help. If you sense that there is more to the life that you are currently living, but you aren't sure what that looks like or how to get there, a coach might be a great partner.
I can't speak for all coaches out there, as there are many different coaching philosophies and flavors. But I can tell you what coaching is to me, who it helps and when it helps.
First of all, let's consider that "being successful" and "needing help" are both subjective phrases. Who needs "help", and what kind of help do they need? What does it mean to get better--is this to improve one's life and live one's dreams, or is it to recover from a health issue, a bad relationship, or a sudden, significant life change?
I believe that coaching is on the continuum of well-being and self-improvement. On one end is therapy, which is critical for resolving problems from the past in order to experience the present. On the other is coaching, which doesn't work when a pathology is present (e.g.: depression, alcoholism, abuse). Coaching works "from the future" so to speak, creating the life you want in the future right now in the present. It is clearly self-improvement. It is certainly striving for something better. It requires a willingness to study oneself critically and a readiness to change. But coaching is not necessarily "help" in the context of managing/surviving a crisis.
No doubt coaching can be quite expensive. But so can keeping the status quo. And there's probably nothing as expensive as merely surviving.
Sometimes it's helpful to consider the following questions:
- How much is the stress of your job costing you?
- How much income are you wasting by not achieving the promotion you desire / finding the right career right now?
- How much will you pay in healthcare and insurance for not being able to stay on track with healthy eating and fitness goals?
- How much money will you waste when your start-up business goes belly up?
These are just a few examples of questions that directly impact the bottom line. This is to say nothing of the other "costs" (emotional, physical, family, friends, etc.) associated with these issues.
There are many governmental programs, including therapy, job/career counseling, debt counseling, etc. available to those who make a few bad choices and wind up in serious financial crisis. Coaching does not replace these.
If you are satisfied with your life the way it is, coaching won't help. If you sense that there is more to the life that you are currently living, but you aren't sure what that looks like or how to get there, a coach might be a great partner.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
How can we teach young people to make good decisions?
Good decision-making is a skill that I consider critical to a happy/successful life. Here is a method I teach to my clients (and eventually to my own little people):
When faced with a moment of choice, ask yourself the following questions.
1. What would I choose according to my personal values (honesty/financial security/loyalty/compassion, etc.)?
2. What is my ultimate goal in this situation (be promoted, support another, expand my leadership, etc.)?
3. What am I committed to (quality family time, exceeding the project goal, meeting the timeline, better health, etc.)?
4. Imagine yourself 1/2/5/20 years from now. What choice will you make today that will move you toward where you want to be in the future?
Oh yeah, and here's the fun part: answering all of these questions thoughtfully before making your decision may not keep you from making a bad one. Indeed, so much of learning these life skills is experiential in nature. "Good" as a quality only exists in its comparison to other qualities like "bad," "better," or "best." It is both expected and required that we all make a few mistakes in order to learn to do things differently. Nonetheless, it seems to me that a decision made in alignment with one's personal values, commitments, goals and future vision will be perfect. And after that perfect choice will be opportunity for another choice, and yet another...
Finally, beneath all of this "how-to" advice on making decisions is one crucial element. As we make choices, we will certainly be judged by others. We'll make good choices, bad choices, and we'll avoid making choices, ignoring the issue with every hope that it will just go away (Of course, that is still making a choice.). The key to success, happiness, power, etc. is owning the choices we make. If you make the best decision, OWN IT. Take responsibility for it and celebrate yourself. Allow others to celebrate with you. When you make a bad decision, OWN IT. Take responsibility for it without looking to lay blame on circumstances or the actions of others. Look for what was missing, consider what your commitment is, and make a powerful choice next time.
In my mind, this philosophy of personal responsibility is one of the most significant gifts we can give to our young people. AND one of the most powerful.
When faced with a moment of choice, ask yourself the following questions.
1. What would I choose according to my personal values (honesty/financial security/loyalty/compassion, etc.)?
2. What is my ultimate goal in this situation (be promoted, support another, expand my leadership, etc.)?
3. What am I committed to (quality family time, exceeding the project goal, meeting the timeline, better health, etc.)?
4. Imagine yourself 1/2/5/20 years from now. What choice will you make today that will move you toward where you want to be in the future?
Oh yeah, and here's the fun part: answering all of these questions thoughtfully before making your decision may not keep you from making a bad one. Indeed, so much of learning these life skills is experiential in nature. "Good" as a quality only exists in its comparison to other qualities like "bad," "better," or "best." It is both expected and required that we all make a few mistakes in order to learn to do things differently. Nonetheless, it seems to me that a decision made in alignment with one's personal values, commitments, goals and future vision will be perfect. And after that perfect choice will be opportunity for another choice, and yet another...
Finally, beneath all of this "how-to" advice on making decisions is one crucial element. As we make choices, we will certainly be judged by others. We'll make good choices, bad choices, and we'll avoid making choices, ignoring the issue with every hope that it will just go away (Of course, that is still making a choice.). The key to success, happiness, power, etc. is owning the choices we make. If you make the best decision, OWN IT. Take responsibility for it and celebrate yourself. Allow others to celebrate with you. When you make a bad decision, OWN IT. Take responsibility for it without looking to lay blame on circumstances or the actions of others. Look for what was missing, consider what your commitment is, and make a powerful choice next time.
In my mind, this philosophy of personal responsibility is one of the most significant gifts we can give to our young people. AND one of the most powerful.
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